Heart is the New Balls of Business
AFTER 45 DAYS OF TRANSPARANCY
Our world is transitioning. Many of us are leaving working for “the man” to become passionate-innovators, creators and entrepreneurs working for ourselves.
When it comes to working for ourselves, many of us are winging it. Making mistakes and learning with each step we take. We often want to skip over the left brained necessities, and only express ourselves from our heart.
Can we do both? Can we do business and be in our heart?
I embarked on a challenge recently with CareerHearted where I posted something transparent and open about my career every day for 45 days straight.
The challenge was called #heartisthenewballs and focused on how doing business from our heart centre is not only brave, it is also wildly effective.
Dropping into the heart, instead of retracting into the mind is a core piece of success.
Although I write non-fiction about my life daily for 40,000 readers—I felt a little afraid when Jeffrey Goodman, the founder of CareerHearted, and I were discussing this challenge.
I am used to talking about everything from being dumped, the conversations I have when I get a Brazilian, to sleeping till two pm after crying all night in my grief. But so often in business, we leave our personal lives at the door, and share only straight bizz — painting on a mask of only our successes.
Being open and transparent about our fears, insecurities, struggles and even achievements in our business isn’t often encouraged or talked about, if anything, it is seen as unprofessional.
We aren’t perfect in our personal lives, so why the fuck should we be perfect in our businesses?
My lifes-work is to empower people to live their truths and be authentic.
I do this with liberally sharing my life with transparency.
#heartisthenewballs was to be 45 days of me being bravely transparent about my career, my life’s work of doing what I love: writing.
It is often easier to share our success than our failures, but I ended up saying, “The hell with it. Sure.”
I said yes because, I trusted that the world, could handle the truths of this new part of my life that had remained somewhat private.
I discovered that being transparent for a month and a half with the world about my businesses has, if anything, strengthened it.
It has allowed me to be free and authentic in a different context of my life.
I’ll admit I was afraid of sharing my failures. What I learned through bringing them into the light over the 45 days is that often the things we harbour the most shame on, like the big risks we take that fail, are things every entrepreneur has experienced.
How much easier would it be if when we were asked how our new project was going, we could be freely honest. We could let the need for perfectionism and having our shit together go, take a deep breath and say, “It’s really not going well right now.”
What if we could be free of others’ judgments, as well as our own?
We are all looking for someone to be honest and say, “I once invested 10k or even a 100K in a start up and it failed.” so we know that we aren’t alone in our recent risks that went belly up.
What if we trusted our work, ourselves and this world so deeply that we had the balls and were courageous enough to take the poker face off and come from the heart?
I have made mistakes.
This year as a writer, several times, in my writing I unintentionally stepped on the heart toes of people in my life.
I have learned that writing non fiction involves not only one person, but two.
Just last week mentoring, I made a mistake.
I realized it the next morning. I owned and apologised for it in entirety.
We are doing the best with what we know, and then later we know more.
Mistakes are part of the dance, and it does not take away our credibility as business owners.
You, I and everyone else are allowed to fuck up.
We don’t need to hide this or feel ashamed of it.
We will take trips and falls in our business that will eventfully be a success.
Fuck-ups, mistakes and successes are all important. We learn from them equally and contribute them to how we execute business in the future.
45 days of being authentic about my business everyday with the world allowed me to make an even bigger drop into my heart.
If anything, the world loves and trusts us more when we are willing to stand in the daylight and wear our stars and scars—in and out of business.
I am liberated, and empowered from this experience and I am confident that as my business grows and expands, I will as well from a heart space.
It’s your time to have the courage, like I did, to make a commitment to succeed in your life’s-work doing what you love.
There’s nothing wrong with you. There’s nothing to fix. There’s nothing to lose or things to gain.
You’re perfect right now.
Instead of, “I need to do these things to be better” or “I’m not doing this well enough” or “I’ll be desirable when” what if you were just enough?
And if you want do do yoga one more time a week–sure.
Loose some weight–hoorah.
Buy a new car–hell yes.
But don’t do it from a place of “not enough”.
You are enough right now.
You are perfect and deserving and worthy and qualified to achieve success, love, abundance–.
So be gentle on yourself when you look back at your year.
You did everything right.
You maneuvered through the shit and the joy with the knowledge and wisdom you had at the time.
You were doing the best you could with what you had.
You might feel different now, or know more–so, yes go take swings, expand more, play bigger.
But please know you’re the catch of loveable divine catches right now without doing anything more. ?
Somedays I wind up sitting within groups of strangers and quickly realize that every single person around me is working a job they don’t love.
All I taste is settling, comfortability, laziness, fear, and unfulfillment.
“But the benefits and pension are great!” followed by weak, unconvincing laughs.
This bugs me most because I can tell they’re not existing in authenticity to what they need for joy.
Why do we tolerate working jobs we hate?
Why is it as a society we work jobs which displease us on such a level that the stress and resent and contempt manifests as actual dis-ease in our bodies?
What would happen if the government, or that damn sexy liberal with the great hair announced tomorrow that we could all wake up and make the same amount of money and work whatever job we wanted?
Think about that for a moment.
Alarm clock beeps–actually, fuck the alarm clock. If you’re doing what you love you create your own hours that support your sleep patterns.
Get up, coffee (if you don’t drink coffee you’re a jerk)–maybe meditate, maybe take the dogs for a walk, maybe go to yoga, have a hot tub and read the New Yorker and then…. Do whatever the fuck brings you joy.
AND make the same amount of money as you did yesterday.
Here’s what’s crazier, money and scarcity and fear of failure and becoming homeless is one of the biggest ways we all sabotage risk, and going after that which feeds our spirit.
So if the money was no longer an excuse, would you have the courage to make the drop into what you actually love?
Or would you find another excuse?
Continue playing small?
What’s really in the way?
I want you to think of your favourite artist.
Think of how their art lights your soul on fire and opens each vein of your heart so the blood may run freely and joyously, untamed.
Be it a song, a painting, a poem, a film.
Now I want you to image that that piece of art you are endeared beyond measure and inspired continuously by–doesn’t exist.
What if the artist who created it, just…never started?
What if they never risked or tried or told them-self “someone’s already done it” or “No one will want what I have to give”.
Thinking of my life without the song “Comptine d`un autre ete – l`apres-midi” by Yann Tiersen or the poem Blue bird by Charles Bukowski saddens me.
When we as artists withhold our divinity from fear (False Evidence Appearing Real) it is a disservice not only to ourselves but also to this world.
How dare you not share your magic.
Who are you to horde your glory?
We want your art.
Please be brave enough to risk
Our businesses are alive.
They are energy.
I met my business in a visualization last night.
I found myself in my old cabin on the Sunshine Coast. I was in the living room, with the yellow Tuscany wall and the yellow Broome flowers on the counter with red tips. I saw my wood stove and my 1940s cedar chest full of kindling and matches. I could see the cheesy tiling in the kitchen, my Into the wild Eddie Vedder CD cover with flowers, pieces of wood, rocks. My pottery mug collection and French press, honey and dried cedar branches. I could even smell the mouse poop and hear the humm of the humidifier in the basement.
There was someone chopping wood in my wood shed.
I went outside and there was a woman. She has straight strong features with dark short hair cut in a bob. She was wearing leather boots, jeans and a wool sweater. She was chopping wood unapologetically and confidently and throwing it strongly into the shed. The prayer flags blew and my yellow and blue axe wailed into wood by her hands.
I asked her what her name was and she said, “Ashley.”
She kept busying around.
I asked her why she wasn’t talking with me and she looked up and said, “Because I’m busy.”
I asked her to come sit on my steps and she took her gloves off and came to sit with me.
“What should I be doing?” I asked.
“Being more present.”
“Write the book.”
“How many days a week?” I asked.
“What should I do about the money while I write it?”
“Whatever the fuck you want. It doesn’t matter.”
She is strong, well spoken, confident, elegant and rough in all the right ways.
I followed her inside my cabin, she walked in with her boots on and lit the propane stove to make a coffee. “Go out and play big. Take swings. All the swings. Contact Dove and Always. You can do all of it.”
She speaks with assurance that is unwavering. She is not soft, she is bold and speaks in a way I don’t want to question.
We sit at the coffee table in my living room.
She blows on her mug.
“Am I doing the right things?”
So, today–I met my business.
Her names Ashely and she takes less shit than me.
How do you show up?
This week I had a mentoring client write me a message saying she was currently underground because of tornado warnings.
She said one had just touched down but if there wasn’t another alarm in the next thirty minutes she could probably find a place to Skype me with her laptop.
I figure tornados are likely a get out of jail free card for any agreement.
But I also know girl bosses show all the way the fuck up.
We ended up rescheduling but I am still applauding her a day later for her willingness to keep her agreement even with tornados.
I prefer collaboration rather than competition, however sometimes collaboration is a crutch.
Sometimes we think we won’t be enough of a draw on our own.
That we need other speakers or teachers or offerings to make the event valuable.
That isn’t true.
Collaboration shouldn’t come from a mindset of “just me isn’t enough” or “if I don’t bring HER, no one will come.” You are a bad ass. You are enough. People will come.
Don’t let scarcity or fear govern how you approach business.
It doesn’t matter how many other people are offering similar things–no one will do it like you.
Choose people to collaborate with that you wickedly admire.
And choose them not from a mindset of “they are filling a space” but more so “they are adding to the badassery I already have”.
If you could fill 500 seats at an event on your own, who would you bring on, as a bonus to speak?
That’s who you want to collaborate with
I reached the pinnacle of success in the business world. In others’ eyes, my life is an epitome of success.
However, aside from work, I have little joy. In the end, wealth is only a fact of life that I am accustomed to.
At this moment, lying on the sick bed and recalling my whole life, I realize that all the recognition and wealth that I took so much pride in, have paled and become meaningless in the face of impending death.
In the darkness, I look at the green lights from the life supporting machines and hear the humming mechanical sounds, I can feel the breath of god of death drawing closer…
Now I know, when we have accumulated sufficient wealth to last our lifetime, we should pursue other matters that are unrelated to wealth…
Should be something that is more important:
Perhaps relationships, perhaps art, perhaps a dream from younger days
Non-stop pursuing of wealth will only turn a person into a twisted being, just like me.
God gave us the senses to let us feel the love in everyone’s heart, not the illusions brought about by wealth.
The wealth I have won in my life I cannot bring with me. What I can bring is only the memories precipitated by love.
That’s the true riches which will follow you, accompany you, giving you strength and light to go on.
Love can travel a thousand miles. Life has no limit. Go where you want to go. Reach the height you want to reach. It is all in your heart and in your hands.
What is the most expensive bed in the world?
You can employ someone to drive the car for you, make money for you but you cannot have someone to bear the sickness for you.
Material things lost can be found. But there is one thing that can never be found when it is lost – Life.
When a person goes into the operating room, he will realize that there is one book that he has yet to finish reading – Book of Healthy Life.
Whichever stage in life we are at right now, with time, we will face the day when the curtain comes down.
Treasure Love for your family, love for your spouse, love for your friends.
Treat yourself well. Cherish others.” -Someone wise
Do you trust your business?
Trust it enough to leave the phone in the car?
Turn it on silent and enjoy Christmas Eve with family?
Trust it enough to put an email out of office reply and NOT obsessively check your inbox?
Sometimes we fear that if we don’t wipe the ass of our business 24/7 it will suffer.
What if for the holidays–instead of having fear of the lack of time you’ll be emailing, checking bank accounts, replying to clients–that you could relax into trust that your business can run it’s own show for a few days?
Instead of feeling like you need to always feed the fire or it will go out and you’ll go broke and become homeless and never be able to take care of your parents…. What if there was a thick, hot ass set of embers that you’ve built burning steadily and readily while you rest and focus on loved ones?
An abundance of embers that only requires tossing a log on before bursting into more flames, abundance and success.
Go drink some fucking egg nog.
Your business has got you.
I’m so sick of people saying they’re “channelling” their art and masterpieces.
It’s very poetic and humble to say that the poems, the words, the paintings, the knowingness shot out of the clouds or the walls or what have you and you’re just a vessel, but I find this wildly discredits the talent of so many brilliant creatives I read and know.
It almost invalidates our gifts.
You painted that because you’re god damn Picasso’s long lost cousin, and you’ve been slaving at the easel for years learning the art of water colours and surrender and whimsicality and intention with your brush.
You wrote that poem from a lifetime of experiences. Your heart lived and screamed and cried and maneuvered through grief, love, and loss to let those words pour out.
So today I don’t want you to be humble or esoteric or modest.
I want you to plant your feet in your talent, your worth and your badassery in your craft and own the fuck out of it.
You’re not a vessel–you’re a god damn genius.
Do you think every single day I feel inspired to write and show up?
Today I feel like drinking my new bottle of Edradour Chateaunuef Du Pape Cask neat, having an hour hot tub with my mouth open drooling exhausted and finishing it off by eating chocolate mint mousse cake instead of brushing my teeth.
But I’m showing up.
How we do one thing is how we do all things.
I made an agreement with myself that I would show up everyday for 45 days straight and share something from the heart with transparency in business.
And if I keep agreement it shows I’m a creditable girl boss that honours and values her own word.
And if I don’t–it shows I don’t value the agreements I make in business or my own word.
We are the most important person to keep agreements with and the easiest person to blow off.
Part of being a new business owner is making mistakes.
I know a brand who got so excited that they ordered hundreds of t shirts and stickers to market, before anyone even know who they were, or what they were doing.
Why would anyone buy a t shirt advertising a company if we have no idea who they are or what they’re about?
My first business “DOH” in the last six months was not putting my spoken word poetry video on YouTube.
The video has 227k views on Vimeo.
Depending on where an ad is placed on YouTube you can make .05-.30 cents a view.
I’m compiling a list of emails to send out a first dibs invite on registration for two retreats this spring, and I wrote my web guy and asked if he could send me my email subscribers for newsletter/information.
I’ve never looked at this list of subscribers because I seriously thought it might have like….thirty people.
I opened a Google doc which has over 1200 emails.
I called my web guy and went, “Holy Fuck!”
And he replied, “They’re waiting to hear from you!”
I’ll be over here in business 101 if anyone needs me.
Part of being an autodidact entreprenuer is having no idea what the fuck you are doing and making mistakes. (And then laughing at yourself with empathy and compassion)
Dear 1200 people, I love and appreciate you and will say hello soon.
If you are a Creator and suffer from too many ideas I want to suggest that you approach your ideas like tattoos.
Don’t tattoo every fucking idea that comes to you on your body–that’s insane!
Draw that idea or write that idea, like a tattoo and place it on a post it somewhere you’ll see it everyday (maybe a fridge, wall, by a mirror).
Put all your ideas there–all of the things you’ve ever desired to make, start, do.
Look at them everyday.
See what stays and what passes.
Just because you love apple sauce, doesn’t mean you should open your own apple sauce company.
Just because you love coffee, doesn’t mean you know a damn thing about opening a cafe.
Just because you love traveling, doesn’t mean you’d love being a tour guide and coordinating 30 gringos with culture shock while you travel.
Our energy is sacred.
Don’t throw it at every idea that shows up–take space and be intentional with what you commit too.
Stop wasting your life watching, reading, admiring, envying what other people are doing.
You know that person you are admiration struck by?
You envy them because you encompass the things you admire in them, in yourself.
They’re one big bad ass mirror of all the goodies you’ve got inside.
To be envious or jealous is to play small. To sit on the sidelines and observe.
To play big is too acknowledge you embody the capacity to do all the things you see there and more–and be accountable by going to do them.
You’re unconsciously admiring all the parts of yourself you haven’t activated yet.
You already know what changes to make, what things to drop, where to go, who isn’t respecting and loving you, where you need to do work.
Go do the things–it’s way more fun living than watching.
You are what you love, not what loves you.” ~Charlie Kaufman
May we have the grace to only pick up what we love.
“If it feels heavy, let it go.” -Kyle Cease
About to put my let shit go pants on.
Whenever I have to make a really big choice in my life, I hike a mountain.
There’s something about being up high–at a summit, or a big jet plane looking into space that makes everything feel small.
We sometimes feel handcuffed to all the things in our lives–and we aren’t.
All change requires is the willingness to release the need to play small.
It takes a step into the great unknown with the trust that we will be caught by everything that is downstream in our lives.
We are wired to succeed.
We are maneuvered away from the people, jobs and things that are not for us gently by rejection so that we have the space for the fuck yes lovers, life partners and careers.
Three years ago I thought the most incredible job for me was a sales rep job at steamswhistle or a brewery.
I liked the pay, the stability, the car and all that went with it.
I didn’t get any of the jobs I applied for.
I’m so fucking happy I didn’t.
I didn’t have an interest in sales–I was just good at it.
Just because we’re good at something doesn’t mean we should do it.
Don’t pick up anything that doesn’t bring you joy.
And while you’re at it–let go of whatever’s in your bed (career, men, women, cities, homes) that you don’t love.
Because if that career or lover or life partner you’re yearning for, shows up right now, is there space for it?
Or is your bed taken?
This isn’t it.
I promise you–this isn’t IT.
This job doesn’t have to be “it”.
This marriage doesn’t have to be “it”.
This house doesn’t have to be “it”.
This city doesn’t have to be “it”.
You have an abundance of choices every moment of your day to get in alignment with what brings you joy and feeds you.
Settling is for suckers–take the swings.
“How do you manage self care with business?”
“Whenever there’s waves I surf. Whenever it’s flat I work.” -Matthew Rehmann
I was asked on a podcast interview this morning if I ever get writers block.
I get burn out block.
If I do too much work and Bizz and not enough self care, personal time–I don’t have the energy to create potent creative juices.
If you are scheduling efficiently 1/4 of your time should look like self care.
Self care mentally, physically and spiritually.
So yeah, what Matt said.”
I locked my keys in my car about two hours before my flight to Costa Rica a month ago and kind of went, “Fuck it. Can’t deal with it now, I’ll deal with it when I’m home.”
Just had Mark Gold, or “Old with a G” a tow truck driver show up shitting sunshine on me like one of Santas elves–yes he gave me a candy cane before even saying hello.
He unlocked my car, talking and beaming and laughing the entire time telling me about how he loves Las Vegas, but not the heat.
He sat listening to R & B music as he swiped my debit card telling me about taking his kids to Disneyland and how not telling them immediately was so hard because he was so excited.
He even offered to screw on my new license plates and made sure my engine was okay after sitting for a month.
He fucking loved his job.
No, seriously you guys.
He loved his job more than I’ve seen anyone love their job in a long, long time.
When we do something we love–it gives us energy.
It isn’t this big giant cluster fuck of taking and “ugh”.
He is in his life’s work.
I want every single person on this planet to have as much joy from their job as Mark G.
Find your thing–and fucking do that.
One of the most important things I do with my business is taking time for time management.
We do the in our face shit, but what about the not so in our face shit that’s still important?
We often procrastinate on the big things or projects that are actually the swings worth making contact with.
I have to schedule two hours blocks of time in my calendar to work on my book.
If I don’t–I just don’t do it.
The easiest person to blow off is ourselves.
My book doesn’t email me, ding me on my phone, or pay my bills.
So sometimes it’s hard to create time for it.
But in essence this is the very most important thing in my business right now.
The poems are already written–I just need to put my sleeves up and do the left brain unfun organizing shit.
So I make time to schedule it and then I show up.
When I keep my agreements with myself it communicates that I value and honour my own word.
Our business needs rest as much as we do.
How do you take care of yourself when you burn the wick at both ends?
Self care is self love and vital for success.
Today I mentored and held space for three hours–after I rinsed my body and energy in Epsom salts.
We hold emotional and energetic blocks in our body–and creating space to stretch, soak, run, climb, or swim them off is important.
Be afraid, but risk anyway.
I would rather fail a million times over at something that I love, than succeed at that which I hate.
Go get it.
One of the shared fears many writers I mentor have is, “What if I spell something wrong?”
I spell shit wrong all the time.
I fuck up my theirs, and my too’s.
Sometimes people message me, and sometimes they try give me flack for spelling wrong.
I’m not an editor, I’m a writer.
I’m good at lots of things–spelling and grammar isn’t necessarily one of them.
I hire an editor to help with my articles, but on social media I let the words pour out and I don’t always double check–I just put them out there.
And I truly don’t give a fuck.
If someone thinks I’m less intelligent or that it takes away from the experience of my words–that’s their choice.
Being a writer isn’t about being perfect.
If you’re a critic, a reader or a grammar Nazi–please know that unless you, too, are being vulnerable and naked and sharing the slabs of your heart with this world–I’m not interested in your noise.
I’m human–I’ll spell shit wrong sometimes.
Spelling shit right doesn’t make you a good writer.
One of the most important thing I’ve learned from CareerHearted is that there are four main types of communication that we use:
Kinesthetic- People who experience their world through the senses: feel, touch, taste and smell.
Read/write- People who process through writing and reading information.
Audio- People who receive information through listening and hearing.
Visual- People who understand information by viewing images or being shown what to do.
Being aware of how you communicate strongest and how others communicate easiest is a key in building business relationships with people you work with.
I am often hired by other creatives who are primarily visual, kinaesthetic, or audio communicators to develop the written expressions of their business.
They know where theit strengths lie in their business and where they need to bring someone else in to be the voice that isn’t their primary communication language in business.
One of my main clients I work with is an audio communicator.
He hates writing/reading long emails, and has a hard time expressing himself in this medium of communication by written word–so we Skype.
He is able to freely express himself and be received best this way.
My main communication language as a writer is read/write, so I will often take lots of notes and follow up our Skype calls with processed information.
Understanding what our clients need to communicate an idea or topic we are hired for is vital to the success in curating exactly what they want.
Read/writes often take notes, send texts or ask for information via email.
Audio’s will prefer phone conversations, voice notes, and meetings to communicate.
Kinesthetic’s will pay extra attention when someone is speaking and puts a hand on their arm–this immediately brings them into their body and the present.
Visuals will want to draw, use images or make vision boards to express.
How do you communicate? How does your current client communicate strongest?
You are ready.
You don’t need anything else to begin.
Stop, stop, stop.
You’re just getting in your own way.
You’re not listening.
You are capable, qualified, worthy and deserving right now.
You are ready–today, not tomorrow, not after that and that and this.
All you have to do is get out of your own way.
You’re in the way of your success–I promise.
Just step aside.
You’re not here to play small.
It’s not what we do, it’s why we do it.
You’ll be good at lots of different extensions of your “why”.
My why is to empower people to live their truths and be authentic.
How I do this is transparency.
For those of you who read my work and squirm at the openness–writing raw non fiction about the joy and turmoil in my life is how I give action to my intention and my why.
My intention with my life’s work is to empower people to be more authentic and open, I do this by being authentic and open myself.
Bukowski was once asked in an interview why he always wrote non fiction–why he assumed people would be interested in reading over sixty books of non fiction poetry on his life.
I think people gravitated towards Bukowski not because he was shitting enlightenment, but because he was painfully honest–about race tracks, prostitues, sex, being an alcoholic, how much he despised society norms and the drudgery of work.
He isn’t the best writer I’ve come across, but he makes me laugh and I admire that he tore open his life with his words and said, “Here it is. I dont give a damn if you like it.”
Bukowski is one of my mentors in authenticity and transparency.
So no, I don’t assume that you love hearing about me getting my vagina waxed, and my grief that pours out at two am–I’m saying it out loud in the hopes it eradicates shame and empowers others to also be who they are out loud.
When someone goes first, it creates a space for others to do the same.
I’ve been surrounded by an abundance of people who do what they love while in Costa Rica–and it’s refreshing.
I’m staying with an incredible photographer who has such an eye for humanity–with or without the lens. She shoots music festivals, portraits, joy. Work finds her in a tiny town of a few hundreds, even when she isn’t looking for it–she’s an effortless manifestor at her life’s work.
I’ve been catching waves with a shaper who travels bringing boards around the world, meeting incredible people and partaking in them experiencing his creations.
Drinking coffee and sharing heart with a cafe owner/ single super mamma who has created an artist studio in her business–where she is free to take naps with her daughter in between splattering pink on canvases, and managing employees.
Acro yoga teachers who travel the world and are married to freedom.
Filmmakers who have so much success, they’re learning how to say no, lean back into life and the waves.
There are so many people I’ve met this month who are just doing what they love.
What they love isn’t a hobby, or a “after I retire” they’re doing it right now–it’s their job.
If we aren’t doing what we love, what are we doing?
Deep bow of thanks to everyone in this world who hasn’t settled for a pay cheque and a pension and is killing it at what they love.
You inspire me.
Our thoughts are magnets–we are constantly choosing how we operate in this world.
Do you exist from a place of “of lack”? Is scarcity in your brain always badgering about not having enough to pay the pills, do the things you love, not having enough time?
Enough with that.
What if you had enough, right now?
Enough money. Enough time. Enough love. Enough sleep. Enough food in your fridge. Enough clothes in your closet. Enough companionship. Enough words, or song or whatever creativity pours from your hands and heart.
If you battle scarcity, tell it to get the fuck outta dodge.
Scarcity cramps the style of our businesses and our lives–it is not doing you any favours to live here.
When we exist in “not enough” we attract jobs that don’t pay us enough, friends who don’t show up enough–it’s all being manifested through a perception of lack.
There is abundance everywhere.
Instead of, “I caught two waves today” what about, “I caught TWO waves today!!!”
Instead of, “I’m going to be so broke after paying rent” what about “Holy fuck, I’m so blessed to have an abundance of money to put a roof over my head and pay rent!”
Instead of, “I only get thirty minutes at the gym” what about “I get 1800 seconds to love my body today”.
Where do you see abundance in your life today?
The other day I posted a picture of a hammock and hashtagged #todaysoffice.
It kind of looked like a humble brag, I work from paradise post.
What I didn’t share was that when I first set up in Costa Rica a month ago the jungle wifi almost gave me a hernia.
The portable device didn’t work inside my concrete home, the extension cord went from the humidity, the battery died, the heavy rainstorms fucked with the signal.
One day the power in the entire town went out.
I spent my first four days stressing running around trying to get reliable wifi so I could do a plethora of consultation calls scheduled for mentoring.
I did one call my first week sitting outside in the pitch black and a spider as big as my hand jumped at me halfway through a call and I almost screamed.
There are perks of being a freelancer, it’s also stressful as fuck to set up an office remotely sometimes.
When I was a child and I used to get sad, I would feel a tingling pain in my palms.
When I watched romantic movies as a teen and there was heart break I would feel it as a sensation in my hands.
I used to ask people if they had it too, but no one did.
A few nights ago I had a dream that I was a massage therapist.
I woke up and chewed on it.
This is something I do often–massage.
One of my primary love languages is loving touch–it’s how I give affection and care and love.
I massage strangers often–people I’ve just met, a woman on an airplane once.
I want to touch and heal this world with my hands.
We all need touch–I truly think we don’t get enough hugs or cuddles.
Today I went to a kundalini class in Costa Rica where she said the palms represent the heart energy.
I think this is why I always feel heart pain in my palms.
Today I am curious about a different line of life’s work–massage therapist will be my plan B if the words ever stop.
Why is this image of you necessary? I’m sick of looking a your face, narcissist.”
Social media marketing tip?
There are visual, read/write, audio and kinesthetic communicators.
You know the people who love looking at physical maps to get somewhere? To see visually their destination?
They care very less about words, words are secondary.
They see the world incredibly visually.
The read/writes might not find it important to have an image attached to words.
They skip the visual of the map and go write to the listed written directions.
It isn’t about you looking at my face everyday, it’s about collectively stopping all kinds of communicators in their tracks with both words and visual.
I want all y’all to stop when you’re scrolling and read my shit.
So I’m sneaky and speak by not only my words but imagery, too.
Sometimes when we force life–it just turns out like shit.
I’ve been working hard for eight months–continually burning out because I’m taking on too much.
I worked hard while I grieved.
I’ve worked hard the first two weeks of my trip–I did twenty consultation calls my first week here for mentoring.
The last week I’ve let my screens collect dust–I’ve let go of being so “on” my emails, “on” my social media, “on” my business.
I’ve surfed twice a day, done yoga, gone on a whimsical motorcycle trip to secret waterfalls and napped on big rocks in the sunshine, rented quads and ripped north through rivers with sisters on a surf trip. Drank beer at eleven am and danced to cumbia in a bar with turquoise walls in the middle of no where.
My eyes, my mind and my heart are not in my work.
The strangest thing has happened–while I’ve been “off” and not holding the hand of my business it’s been thriving.
My emails are full of abundance–intake forms, public speaking gigs, sweet love mail.
My business energy is carrying on without me–she’s thriving.
I surrendered and she got more full of abundance.
We don’t need to always control and babysit and watch and push and shove our business.
I’m learning and integrating some trust today–trust that I’m doing my life’s work and that I can attract success and abundance without hovering and stressing and controlling.
Swimming downstream is also hella nice.
I like to control things.
And it’s almost less about control and more about wanting clarity with each step I take–in business, in love.
I don’t mind turning my boat around and paddling up stream for clarity, for a conversation, for closure.
I’m not always at the hands of fate, at the mercy of the universe, on the path being paved at my feet–I’m carrying cement and throwing it down as I blaze my own trail.
I won’t feel a connection in passing and cross my hearts toes that they will land in my path–I walk, speak, and act with intention.
I am not afraid of asking for what I want–I know I am deserving of it simply by my will and desire.
We are all entitled to a love that pulls us into our chest and breathes into the crevice of our spirit as our soul spins and spins till she’s dizzy, falling and gets up and asks for more.
If I ask and I hear no, I will still swim upstream–there’s abundance for me here.
If I am told no by a man with blonde hair that falls on the freckles of his brown skin in the thick of the night–I know that love is still for me.
I’m a fighter, a risk taker, an idealist, a fierce lover who knows her worth.
I take swings with confidence and leaps without crutches–I am the creator of my life and I believe in disagreeing with the stars and arguing with the moon.
My business colours are purple and yellow.
Purple stimulates intuition, imagination, universal connection, meditation and flow.
Colour, and fonts are incredibly important in business–this isn’t esoteric bullshit, it’s the real shit.
Consider them the body language of your messages.
What are the colours of your business saying?
Someone cancelled, should I charge them?
The answer is yes, 90% of the time.
There’s a thin line between walking empathy and compassion and respecting your own time in business.
I have a 48 hour cancellation policy with people I mentor.
Are there exceptions?
Yes of course.
Emergencies happen, life happens.
If you’re in a car accident, in emergency with a kid, or have the flu and can’t stop vomiting enough to speak–those are things physically and emotionally that get in the way of doing the work.
Cancelling last minute because of a headache, or a hangover or just because we don’t really feel like doing the work because we feel blah is not an emergency.
When we constantly let people reschedule or cancel, after we’ve planned our entire day so we can show up its a disservice to ourselves and them.
We aren’t doing our job because 1) we aren’t pushing them to grow, be accountable, show up and 2) we also aren’t communicating with our actions that our own time is important.
Learning when to be empathetic and when to execute boundaries can be really hard to do but is so important to learn.
Until you start respecting your own time, no one else will.
Today I spoke to a group of seven to nine year old girls about stage fright.
Part of the talk I asked for the girls to come to the front of the class and say what they were afraid of when it came to singing in front of people.
There was one girl who was extremely shy–burrowing underneath the table and refusing to speak.
I asked her if it would help if I stood beside her while she spoke.
She said she just wanted to tell me what she was afraid of.
She whispered in my ear that she was afraid because of two girls in the class. They were the cool girls to her.
So I called them over.
She looked at me horrified.
We all crouched down and I told them what the one girl had said, and that when we feel intimated by other women the way to beat it is to spend more time with them. That we encompass the thing we see and admire in them, and to play big is to say, “You’re freaking cool, wanna be my friend?”
One of the cool girls said, “I feel the same way about you.”
As a twenty six year old woman, I feel this all the time. I felt it yesterday.
I sometimes shrink in the face of beautiful, confident women–and I know that when I shrink I’m not owning my light or appreciating theirs.
My job today was to mediate with nine year olds what I’m still learning.
To conquer jealousy or inadequacy we must be friends with all the cool girls, because we’re a cool girl, too.
Today my heart woke up trembling.
It wasn’t about business, it was from hope.
I felt hope, and curiosity and a willingness to open to another.
The grey zone. The vulnerable zone. The fearful unknown, unexplored, uncontrolled where you begin to crack your heart open and you aren’t sure if you’ll be caught or if you’ll fall.
That’s where I am today and it’s terrifying.
Just because we open our hearts doesn’t mean it’s reciprocated. It doesn’t guarantee we go anywhere.
Its just a choice we make in a moment.
It’s fresh and new and I may bite my hearts tongue, but I’ve stumbled upon someone extraordinary.
It will take someone extraordinary to hold all the love I have to give.
I open easily to love because although I have many aspirations and dreams–love is one of them.
Not the house and the ring and the cake and the babies–but love?
Yes, love is why I breathe.
So I have nothing to share with you about business today.
My emails have remained unopened for 48 hours which is a personal record and my heart is attending to other things.
Consider this a personal day.
A day of absence to tend to greater things than work.
For if I plough through this world achieving all the things I desire and wind up listening to the dusk crickets singing and watching the cackle of light from fireflies, alone each night–I will have achieved nothing.
For I am here to share the abundance of love in my heart frivolously with the one who is capable of holding it–and to me, that is more successful than my name on a best sellers list or a screenplay in Hollywood.
Do the things you desire, and do not forget to love.
Today’s business advice: Do.
Don’t think today.
Think other days. Think in circles. Wait. Analyze. Take controlled risks with favourable outcomes. Put off. Play safe. Be calculated.
But not today–today do.
What are you missing because you aren’t doing?
Go get it.
What is your emotional relationship with the word “money”?
Finish this sentence for me:
Is it negative or positive?
If you answered, “Money is hard. Money is the root of all evil. Money is a drag. Money is a means to an end” and money was a person standing outside your door listening, would it want to come into your life?
How did you interact, observe and grow up with money as a child?
Did you see scarcity and stress attached to money?
Did your parents have an abundance, but spent it destructively?
Did you go on all inclusive vacations to Mexico for vacation and get everything on your wish list at Christmas?
Did your parents use coupons to buy groceries and take you camping on vacation?
Your beliefs around money were likely formed when you were too young to remember, and there’s a good chance they are influencing how you operate with finances now.
If we want to speak money and abundance into our lives we need to be aware of what limiting beliefs might be getting in the way, and re-wire them accordingly.
What are your beliefs about money?
It’s discouraging when someone cancels.
It doesn’t matter if it’s two coaching calls or a three week retreat.
It can throw me off.
Make me question if I’m doing the right work.
Are my prices too expensive?
Am I not good at what I do?
Is that guy better at it?
Do I need one more certification, one more piece of paper?
Do I need one of those hip video “vlogs” like her?
I bet you nobody cancels on that guy.
We all waver.
We all question.
Often when we don’t get “the gig” or “the big break” we sit for a moment feeling a little defeated and sometimes, question if we are on the right path.
Most of the time the universe isn’t telling you that you suck at what you do, your charging too much, or you should change careers.
97% of the time what’s really happening is our fears and insecurities love to show up in the face of rejection and remind us what we’re deep down terrified of.
So let me remind you today:
Yes, you’re qualified, capable and worthy.
Yes, you are good at what you do–no one on this planet does it like you, don’t stop.
That guy is not better at it, he is different at it.
Fuck the piece of paper (unless your a doctor–then please have the paper). The people who cancel have nothing to do with if you’re on the right path.
You do not control the feelings, actions or thoughts of anyone but you.
Not everything is a sign from the universe.
You’re on the right path–keep doing you.
There are some days I am confident in my art.
I will tell you of all the books I’ll write, the movie I wish to film, the spoken word poetry videos I have stored in my brain waiting to be let out, the artist residency I’ll open.
There are some days I feel confident and I play big.
I take swings and say it all out loud.
I feel capable of becoming a best selling author and giving key note speeches and shooting shit with Ellen.
I feel worthy of succeeding at what I love and genuinely feel I have something individually kick ass to contribute to this world with my voice and life’s work.
I believe in me.
Then there are days like yesterday.
Yesterday I woke up and felt small, I feel kind of “Who am I, too?” about everything.
I looked at my book pdf and thought, “This is shit.”
I had talked about making a spoken word video in Costa Rica and wanted to hide under the covers from it.
I felt discouraged about being an artist in many capacities of my “what”.
I just felt a case of the Monday artist bummer blues on a Saturday.
It just was–and of course it will pass but I honoured how I felt.
Somedays when we want to shrink its good to not cave and to go into the world fist swinging and risk to stay playing big.
Other days, it’s okay to be small.
I think there are so many highs and downs with running your own business and we always brush the shitty days under the table with resent and hope for cheerful inspired days instead.
How boring would having your own business be if we only ever succeeded and felt confident?
On the days you feel a little defeated or discouraged, it’s okay to approach yourself with empathy and heart and softness.
Today my business is quiet.
This past week it is the quietest it’s been in months.
My social media feels quiet, my website is quiet and even my emails are quiet (which never happens).
As a freelancer this kind of made me panic a little.
Then I remembered I booked this trip to Costa Rica to rest.
I planned this trip to take some space.
I’ve been busy for the last six months, so busy breathing is hard.
I’ve been pretty good at working hard in Costa Rica, even though I’m meant to be resting.
I’m trusting that the quiet is imposed as mamma universe telling me to take an actual breather and a break.
My sister Kori said it best, “Be a little tired. Take rest. Honour that. The rest will fall into place. You’re putting good things out there right now, you’re working hard–you have planted lots of seeds, let the rain water them while you rest.”
Today is is literally raining buckets in the town where I am living.
The river is overflowed, raging and uncrossable by motorcycle, quad or vehicle.
I’m rained in.
So I’m taking the hint and resting today.
Sometimes our business needs a nap.
If a company or contractor approaches you last minute for a project and you’re already at full, practice saying no.
Your time is valuable and important–honour yourself.
Have boundaries and listen to your energy levels.
Do you have space for more output?
I don’t care if it’s Google or Apple or Telus.
You are the big break.
Just because someone throws a busy sandwich in your lap, doesn’t mean you are ready to eat it.
By saying “no” to honour and respect your energy and time this will inevitably cause not only respect from the people around you but also create a business were people sure as hell know pitches need to be made in advance, because you’re also busy and your time is also important.
Integral, organized contractors and companies will and do approach you in a timely and respectful way.
I promise your fuck yes clients are out there.
To find them you might need to try saying no to people who don’t respect and value your time to create space for those who do.
Know you’re worthy enough to say no.”
I feel like many freelancers have the “say yes to everything” curse.
This looks like living in constant fear of what the future might not hold and seriously sucking at boundaries.
What if no one approaches me next month? What if this is the next paycheque for two weeks?
I better say yes.
Then we work on eight projects at once, become over extended and tired and none of it is our best work.
Everything is wrong with this.
If we are just saying “yes” when our plates are full for fear of lack in the future–we are basically asking scarcity to come sit on our knee.
Saying yes all the time isn’t the key to success in business.
Especially not if we are only saying “yes” from a place of fear and not trust.
Trust that you are supported in what you love enough to say “no” sometimes to take care of yourself.
Trust that there is an abundance of bad ass work coming your way (there is).
When you burn out, you’re good for nobody–including you.
What does loving ourselves have to do with business?
If we have a belief that we are unworthy this often creates extensions of that in every aspect of our lives.
Unworthy can show up in limiting our success, putting kinks in our capacity to have fulfilling, loving friendships and relationships but also scarcity.
When we exist from a belief of being unworthy what comes to hang out in our life isn’t often love, abundance, success or money.
To attract these things we need to know in the bones of our heart that we are worthy.
Doing the work on ourselves personally to shed limiting beliefs creates space for us to thrive and prosper everywhere.
Do you believe you are worthy to be successful at what you love?
Why or why not?
If we want to kick scarcity to the curb and welcome in abundance and success we need to become aware of what might be getting in the way and flip the switch.
A lot of shitty people in this planet have a lot of money, not necessarily because they deserve it but because they believe they are worthy of it.
If you battle scarcity try writing these affirmations on post it notes by your computer screen or where you will see them everyday:
I am worthy.
I am worthy of success, abundance and money.
Money flows effortlessly and abundantly into my life.
I am already a success.
I have been working with someone I’m coaching who was telling me she was having a hard time with her boss.
He was always quick to throw money at her and give her raises, but never took the time to give her any verbal thanks.
She is an absolute girl boss at what she does and an asset to the company–this is reflected in a monetary sense but part of her was not feeling full.
The other day it drove her to tears.
Gary D. Chapman wrote a brilliant book called “The five languages of love” that I think everyone and their cat should read.
It talks about how there are five main ways we communicate affection and love–acts of service, quality time, gifts, words of affirmation and loving touch.
We all are multilingual and will enjoy receiving most of these and giving them in our lives, but we have a few dominant languages we often prefer to receive and give in.
This book has helped not only my romantic relationship, friendships, family relationships but also how I do business.
I explained his concept to her and we discovered her primary love language she liked to receive in was words.
Having a complete non existent lack of verbal acknowledgement, praise and recognition from her boss was part of what evoked the tears and hard day at work.
She was comfortable having the conversation with him about what she needed to move forward (words) to exist in a workplace where she felt appreciated and seen.
Understanding how people express themselves is a vital part of any relationship–include work.
What are the love languages of the people you work with?
Does anyone always offer to grab coffees, run errands, do tasks? Likely their love language is acts of service. These people will feel equally loved up if you offer to do the tasks for them one day.
Does anyone give a lot of compliments on tasks, hair, outfits, making a point to acknowledge the people around them with words? Likely this is someone who is words of affirmation–to make them light up, give them words at work next time they do something kind.
I don’t see this knowledge as limiting to just our boyfriends, husbands, partners and wives–I see understanding how people feel seen and loved crucial in how I execute business.
I’m launching a challenge tomorrow where for 45 days I will show up every day and talk about how heart is the new balls of business.
The old paradigm of business where we work for “the man” (or the a woman who echoes the characteristics of “the man”) is outdated.
The last few generations have shifted the way we do business.
I’m convinced there’s more entrepreneurs in this world than there are medical marijuana shops in Victoria, B.C..
We are doing business differently.
We don’t give a fuck about the piece of paper—we care about doing what we love, and we thrive off of the joy it brings us. We care about the integrity of our businesses and who we work with.
Many of us are trading in stability and pensions for a career doing what we love.
The other day, my grandfather in England told me that I am the first Robinson who has ever worked for herself and that this both baffles and inspires him.
Our generation is not only retiring racism, homophobia and sexism, we are also liberally pursuing careers that make us feel rich.
We are autodidacts, risk takers, entrepreneurs and small business owners.
When we work for ourselves, we choose how to execute business and who we do business with.
When I worked for large chain companies I’d have things like “It’s water off a ducks back—don’t be too sensitive,” and “Leave all your personal problems at the door when you get to work” drilled into me.
It was considered unprofessional to share how we really showed up each day at work and not encouraged
Traditional work places train us to be functioning, happy robots—without sensitivity.
That’s not how I roll.
I execute my business with empathy, compassion, understanding and heart.
I have open communication with people I work with and beside.
I am not a robot and neither are the people I work with.
I take the time to see them and let them know they are open to show up exactly as they are without hiding or shame.
What does this look like?
It means taking two minutes to write a personal note before diving into tasks, delegations, questions and requests with my editor, accountant and website designer.
It means the success of everyone I work with is as important as my own success.
It means telling people I pay that they should charge me more if it isn’t enough for their professional services.
It means never asking for a “friend rate” because I don’t want to devalue the work of people I care about.
It means a ton of gratitude and recognition and thanks—I am not afraid to let the people I work with know how valuable and worthy they are and how crucial they are to my business.
Some might say that this is a more feminine way of doing business, but I disagree—I just see it as being emotionally in touch and open in business.
I live from an open heart and work from an open heart.
Does this mean that if my graphic designer cancelled every week because of personal issues I would tolerate it?
Does this mean I work for free, or for “good karma?”
Does this mean I cancel on my clients because I really just feel like watching The Vampire Dairies?
It just means that there is space for me and people I work with to be human, expressive, and sensitive in business.
I am still an accountable, successful, productive boss at what I do.
People who do business with heart are creative men and women who are willing to be vulnerable.
I choose the hashtag #heartisthenewballs for the challenge because heart doesn’t have a gender attached to it—neither does courage.
For the next 45 days, I’ll be sharing on social media how I dare, risk, fuck up, practice empathy, forgiveness, accountability in my business—and how I do all of the above with heart.
I am going to share how being soft, sensitive, and open in business is a strength and not a weakness.
Follow me, and join me if you feel called.